Video Game Characters are Cheap Dates

Drinking in games can be a humorous past time, get a few giggles in before taking on a horde of bad guys under very one sided conditions (no force of evil can match the mighty Quick Save/Load). But ever stopped to wonder how realistic this drunkard behavior, slurred speech and floor collapsing humor can be? Nah, me neither.

In the interest of science, Kotaku was, with some rather amusing conclusions. Take the in-game time, multiply it out to real time, then match the number of drinks required to become sloshed and observe effects. Their hard work came to the conclusion that, well, guys in games are cheap dates – which is a good thing, since you can skip the whole standing around for several hours to sober up part. Taking it a bit further and matching the in-game time with 5 shots in 50 seconds (and probably sore stomachs)? Same deal.

Game based drunkenness is like that of acting. Real drunks tend not to flop around in an uncontrollable state after 5 shots… usually, but instead try to ‘act’ sober. Actors and comics on the other hand, over-act the whole drunken behavior to show you that they are drunk. This unfortunate conclusion does mean that our beloved game characters are acting… damn, and I wanted to test this theory out with Lara Croft.

So how would you feel about a more serious approach to drinking in game? Drink a few and nothing happens till 30 mins later, hangs around for a while, and if you over do it, live with the consequences the following morning? Implied drunken behavior is probably more interesting and amusing than having a real-time effect. World of Warcraft played with the idea of drunken consequences by lowering the perceived level of monsters, while The Witcher gave some serious handicaps.

Will games do more than shake and blur the camera in the future? Will drunken effects sneak in over time rather than instantly? What would you like to see from our drunken heroes?

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I’m just going to come right out and say it: I love drunk video game characters. The slurred speech, the blurred vision, the ragdoll physics as they fall backwards down a flight of stairs which somehow never results in paralyzing spinal fractures – I’d much rather nurse a digital person back to sobriety than my college-aged friends.